Senior Transition Services

Pearl of Wisdom #22: “You have to roll with the punches.” Madeline H.

mhkstocks — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 02:47:46 +0000

Lesson learned: Change can often bring about some very strong emotions – fear, anxiety, stress and reluctance – especially when the change is significant, like moving from one’s house of decades into a retirement community. Change can be quite frightening and traumatic when it means letting go of what is comfortable and known. Many times it is fear of the unknown that can be most crippling because one does not know what to expect from the new situation.

Thankfully for Madeline, a widow and former secretary to a school district superintendent, changing her residence of over thirty years did not seem as daunting a task as it typically is for others in similar situations. “You have to roll with the punches” she told me confidently with a slightly upturned grin and a wave of the hand that suggested “c’est la vie”. Not only was there a degree of acceptance, I also sensed an eagerness to learn and participate in something new. Change would, after all, also bring about some positive aspects. For one, it would eliminate her current isolation by including her in a community where she would soon meet individuals, with whom she could dine, socialize and recreate.

Shortly after my visit with Madeline, my colleague, Susan, shared the quote below with me. I immediately thought of Madeline and had to wonder if perhaps she, too, had been inspired by Edith Wharton’s writings.

“In spite of illness, in spite even of the archenemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways.”
-Edith Wharton, A Backward Glance

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Pearl of Wisdom #21: “Maintain a sense of humor and don’t take things so seriously.” Ajay C.

mhkstocks — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 00:19:21 +0000

Lesson learned: I met Ajay on his 96^th birthday. I picked him up from the rehab where he had been recuperating after a recent fall and took him to his apartment to begin the downsizing process prior to his move to the Watermark at Logan Square. The distance between the two locations was short, but thanks to Center City Philadelphia traffic, we had the opportunity to chat about a variety of topics – the economy, corruption in government, the Occupy Movement, travel and the arts. Ajay’s knowledge base and his eloquent use of language impressed me tremendously. He was so incredibly vibrant and aware! But it was his sharp wit, playful teasing and positive attitude that truly captured my attention. As we carefully weaved our way around City Hall, he revealed his mantra – maintain a sense of humor and don’t take things so seriously. Now when things get tense, I remember his advice. I look for the humor in the situation and try not to take things too seriously. Thanks, Ajay!

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Pearl of Wisdom #20: “It’s an important part of life to help someone in pain.” Julie N.

mhkstocks — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 13:44:33 +0000

Lesson learned: When Julie opened the door to her apartment last Friday, the swollen eyes and quivering voice gave it away – she was in pain. Somewhat reluctantly, she asked my associate and me to enter and once inside it became immediately clear why she was so upset. Her apartment was cluttered with many of the large, unopened boxes that the moving company had delivered six weeks ago when she first moved in. The frail and petite woman, who will celebrate her 80^th birthday next month, explained that normally she was very organized. But her inability to unpack the boxes and get settled in was causing her great anxiety, to the point that she was skipping dinner and withdrawing from the other residents. Her social worker became alarmed and knew she needed help.

Julie readily accepted the help we offered her and within two days the mover’s boxes had been unpacked, some furniture repositioned, and closets reorganized. A visit to her yesterday was a delightful experience. This time her eyes sparkled (the redness was gone) and she sounded almost giddy as she showed me the progress that had been made. She marveled at how large her apartment now was and how she could finally enjoy the view from her living room window overlooking a beautifully landscaped garden. The pain was gone and she smiled broadly.

We were happy to help an overwhelmed Julie and even more so when we learned that she had become a bereavement counselor thirty some years ago after her husband’s death. She was able to deal with a different type of pain then by providing support and comfort to those who were experiencing the same type of loss she knew all to well. Unknowingly, she reinforced the life lesson we already knew and strengthened our commitment to help those in pain. She is a true example of “practice what you preach”!

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Pearl of Wisdom #19: “What to Value?” Ralph R.

mhkstocks — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 21:55:05 +0000

Lesson learned: Suzanna J. wanted to share something special with me, an essay that her father had written many years ago, which appeared in a book entitled “This I Believe” edited by Edward R. Murrow. As she read her father’s words with the warmth and inflection of a seasoned actress, I began to take notes. The highlights of this inspirational story appear below.

What to Value? Take time before time takes you. Each day is precious. When the sun comes up you have 24 hours to fill, not pass. Listen to the wind in the trees and look at the sunlight on the water. Make the most of it! Be grateful! God made this world – a place of beauty and wonder. Take time to absorb the beauty and wonder. From the heart – give thanks!

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Pearl of Wisdom #18: “If you have some childhood left, it helps! So does humor.” Suzanna J.

mhkstocks — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 03:07:19 +0000

Lesson learned: I met Suzanna as she was preparing to move from the apartment she has been living in for 40 years. Dressed in a simple housecoat and seated on a wooden chair in her kitchen, we chatted about what her new routine would be like in the retirement community she will soon call home. She was charming and a natural conversationalist. A broad smile came across her face when we talked about how easy it will be for her to make new friends. She readily agreed and added “if you have some childhood left, it helps! So does humor.”

There is something to be said for letting the child in you shine through from time to time. Being playful and silly can not only be fun, it can also be a great stress reliever. And having a good, healthy sense of humor often not only makes you feel better, it also attracts attention from others around you. “Just like a smile”, Suzanna added. “It’s infectious.”

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Pearl of Wisdom #17: “A firm handshake shows character”. A resident at Atria Center City in Philadelphia.

mhkstocks — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 02:26:43 +0000

Lesson learned: There I was mingling and networking with my colleagues at the Atria Center City Open House when a gregarious older woman approached me. She inquired, rather impatiently, what the reason for the large crowd was. After I told her why so many strangers were assembled, she demurred and introduced herself as being a long time Atria resident and extended her hand to me. I responded by telling her my name and shaking her hand in return. “A firm handshake shows character” she exclaimed quite authoritatively. I must confess that I was caught somewhat off guard and felt like a youngster being trained by a no nonsense grandparent for whom these social skills were so important. Satisfied with my answer and handshake, she promptly turned her walker around and marched off. I appreciated the affirmation and was quite relieved that I passed the test.

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Pearl of Wisdom #16: “Rule with your head and not with your heart”. Mary S.

mhkstocks — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 01:45:22 +0000

Lesson learned: Mary moved from her Northeast Philadelphia home into a retirement community just before Christmas. She was, as so many others are, reluctant to leave her warm and welcoming home of 50+ years with all its memories for an apartment. While Mary knew she would have to ultimately sell her house, she was reluctant to proceed with the listing. But last week’s nightmare drastically altered her thinking.

Sometime during a few days of extremely cold temperatures, Mary’s heater malfunctioned. With the heater inoperable, several pipes froze and ruptured. The house and some of the contents sustained extensive water damage. After the mess was cleaned up, an insurance claim was filed and repairs were made. It was through this upsetting ordeal and the stress it caused her and members of her family, that Mary realized it was time to sell her beloved house.

Speaking with conviction, even though traces of sadness could be detected in her eyes, Mary concluded that you have to “rule with your head and not with your heart.” It was time to leave that part of her life behind and to focus on a new phase of her life in new surroundings. She seemed content with the decision she made and relieved that the trials and tribulations of home ownership will soon a be thing of the past. She was ready to move on.

www.senior-transition-services.com

Pearl of Wisdom #15: “Get everything you can out of school”. Ralph P.

mhkstocks — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 05:32:56 +0000

Lesson learned: Yesterday, as I was helping Elizabeth and Ralph move from their apartment in suburban Philadelphia to a retirement community in Center City, I came across a gem tucked in the deep recesses of the bedroom closet. At first, I thought it was an ordinary piece of cardboard, but as I looked at it more closely, I realized that it actually was a storyboard about Ralph that had been researched and prepared by a student named Leah. It was neatly presented and included a large color photo of Ralph, reprints of naval ships and insignias, the lyrics and music of two songs (presumably Ralph’s favorites) and the best of all – a full page chronicle of Ralph’s life. I was enthralled by the title Leah had chosen for her project – “Ralph P: A Man of the Greatest Generation” and read on.

From the narrative, I learned that Ralph was the son of Italian immigrants who had grown up in South Philly. He served in the US Navy during World War II and enjoyed a 20 year naval career before accepting a job with the Department of Defense. But what captivated me most was reading the advice he had received from his parents and his own advice that he shared with his young researcher. “Never be ashamed of anything unless it’s dirty or you lied”, his mother always said. From his father he learned, “keep an open mind; something might fall in.” As for the advice that Ralph has for young people, it is “get everything you can out of school. You may have friends that may not show too much interest in school, but you make sure you get a college education. And if you can go further than that, you should!”

I hope Leah and her fellow classmates took this counsel to heart and benefitted from it. It certainly is the same guidance given by so many others. Salute and Grazie, Ralph!

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Pearl of Wisdom #14: “Talk things out with one another”. Yvonne H.

mhkstocks — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 02:14:23 +0000

Lesson learned: “The problem with people today is that they just don’t sit down and talk with each other the way we used to. When there was an issue in our family, my husband and I would simply talk things out until the problem got resolved.” What Aunt Yvonne implied with that remark was that a consensus was realized by a conversation that was always respectful and civil in tone. Yes, there was compromise between the two of them, but that was achieved by truly listening and understanding each other’s point of view.

I could not help make a comparison between Aunt Yvonne’s observation and the plea that President Obama made in the eulogy he delivered during the memorial service for the victims of the Tucson tragedy. “It’s important for us to pause for a moment and make sure that we are talking with each other in a way that heals, not a way that wounds”, he explained.

In an age when politics, technology and social media often tend to dictate how people communicate, I hope we can return to the time when simple, honest face-to-face discussions bring about a keener understanding and a kinder dialog among people. I’m sure Aunt Yvonne would also.

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Pearl of Wisdom #13: The Power of Positive Thinking. Jim R.

mhkstocks — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 04:16:50 +0000

Lesson learned: My client, Jim, and I had many chats as we prepared for his move from his house in the suburbs to a nearby retirement community. Besides the work at hand, we talked about a variety of subjects: the Phillies, politics, newly released books and our families. The conversations, I probably enjoyed the most, centered on business topics. Jim had an enviable collection of positive thinking and motivational dynamics books. I soon learned that not only had he read those books, he lived by them. He truly practiced what he preached and I was the lucky recipient of a few pointers that need repeating from time to time.

One of those gems is the following. “It took me a long time to learn I was not in the dental business; that I was in the PEOPLE business. PEOPLE made our products; PEOPLE consumed our products; PEOPLE walked around displaying our products. All we had to do was picture in our mind the PEOPLE using our goods and services, enjoying and benefiting from the use of these goods and services. It became education instead of sales! Of course, you had to sell the prospect and educate the customer.

Napoleon Hill, Zig Ziegler and other famous motivators would say ‘whatever the mind of man can conceive, it can be achieved’. If you want it bad enough, plan for it, and work your butt off achieving it.”

His sage advice concluded with “Now go forth and multiply your effort through other people: get them working for you.” To this, I can only add that PEOPLE make the difference. Jim certainly does.